You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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