Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
