You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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