My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
