I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
