I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
