A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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