so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
