umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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