So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
