she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
