I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
