Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
