carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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