whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
