You really coming over, don't trick.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
