Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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