phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
