she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
There's even glitter on my cock...
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