My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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