This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
