Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
