Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
