Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
