Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize