apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
