I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
