I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
