You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
