fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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