I can text with my tongue
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Randomize
