You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
