Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
