You made me cry and you don't even care
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
