You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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