I wish I only lived at night.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
It was confusing and full of hummus
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
