I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
It's rum buckets o'clock
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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