thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
