I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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