Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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