tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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