I think I died a long time ago.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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