I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
