some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
