If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
