Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
