she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
