Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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