This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
