I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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