Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
