Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
