Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
