the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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