Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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