You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize