Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
