so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
