They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
