She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
