HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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