Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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