There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
