His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
