Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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