I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
