dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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