did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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