i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
