Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
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