I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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