He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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