If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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