he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
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