How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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