WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
