She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
