Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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