Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I am one with the molecules
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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