Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
