He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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