He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
