____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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