i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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