tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
