I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Randomize
