capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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