do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
