why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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