i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
