We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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