I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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