Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
