You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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