You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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