It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
