it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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