That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
