I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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