everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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