I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
