Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
