I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
