So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
