This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
