Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize